Intro
So I was working on Look Back in Anger by Osborne and studying the whole Jimmy and Alison angle and it kind of obsessed me, you know? Every critic wonders about the ambiguous ending of that play. Will they work out or not? Their relationship isn't exactly stable and then there's the whole thought that it's based on only lust. And Alison not reacting to Jimmy's issues and long speeches may mean she was cold sexually too and since their physical side died therefore they died because they didn't REALLY love each other enough. They were too different and incompatible.But what if they were? What if it was temporary. What if the Helena thing was kind of random because it didn't matter because they'll always come back to each other because that's who they are and who they're supposed to be?
(Warning, I may be projecting because I recently wrote a Gone Girl-book to movie-analysis so feel free to call me crazy and ignore all this gibberish.)
EITHER WAY, go forward and enjoy this little story about how it could possibly be for them sometime before the last scene of the play. Say, after Jimmy find out about the miscarriage and instead, he comes to HER!
WARNING: NOT PG13. ONLY READ IF ABOVE AT LEAST 16, PREFERABLY 18. THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION. DO NOT BE SCANDALIZED AND DON'T READ IF YOU WILL BE.
It's pretty harmless anyway but still :V
Anyway, happy reading!
Story/Fan-Fic
She heard the keys jingle and the door slammed. She barely had time to brace herself before he opened the door.
I looked at him, and then looked away. How could I look at him when he had told me I should suffer like this? He had ruined my life. He was the bane of my existence and I hated the fact that I still wanted him.
"Alison...?"
His voice was so raw that I looked up at him, surprised. His face had none of the characteristic expressions I was so accustomed to seeing. He seemed...concerned. Kind, even...was that a hint of worry in his face? Did he actually *gasp* care about someone else for a second instead of worrying about all the great dead causes that aren't available to fight for? And could that someone else be...me?
"Ali," what was left of my heart twisted, he hadn't called me that since our courtship period...not since we were married, and he had shown me who he really was, not since I started to ignore the monster he thought he was and tried to be, "Ali...I heard. I didn't mean it, okay? I never knew you were...you know. You didn't tell me. And I didn't mean it, GOD, I really didn't."
I uncurled and closed my eyes. I took a few deep breaths and opened my eyes to see him watching my breasts heaving. Something changed in me. I crawled towards him, and looked up so I could watch him watch me. As his eyes reached mine, I licked my lips and arched my body so that he had to fight to keep staring at my face.
"Alison...what are you doing?" he whispered, his breath seemed scarcely available to him. I sat up and slowly started standing up as sensually as I could.
"Nothing. Just...nothing," I whispered, not trusting my voice if I let it get even a little bit louder than that.
I had reached his waist when I decided to give him a quick lick through the material. He tried very hard to keep from shuddering but I could see how easy this was going to be. He tried to speak, to stop me or to tell me I was still too weak from everything or that we had to talk and figure everything out but no. I didn't let him. I placed a finger on his soft lips that seemed like they would feel course after all the foul things he hurled at me and Cliff all the time but it wasn't. They were as perfect as they had always been.
Of course, I didn't know much about lips or anything before him. That would have pleased any other man, but not him. No, no. Jimmy Porter hated convention, didn't he? Well, if I had had previous experience, it would have been unacceptable. I was raised different than him. He had taunted me with my virginity-as if my-my purity would defile him. I know him, I married the man, after all, and it wasn't always only physical attraction. Once...there was more. And there could be, again. And I knew that if I hadn't been a virgin, he would have been upset, and that I was, made him upset as well. He was a bundle of contradictions, so easy for Helena to spirit him away until he realized that he was never going to love anyone but me. How could he? He was much too unacceptable.
"Shush. Let's not talk about...that. Tonight, let's just be you and me. None of your grand speeches, no talking about the world and being idealist and raging. No sorrow, no nothing...just us. And we'll figure everything out in the morning, okay?" I moved my finger from his lips when he nodded in acquiescence.
I pulled him to the other bedroom-the one with raised posts. I kissed him softly at first, and then later harder and he kissed me hungrily. He was always so fast, always wanting more, demanding more, needing more. It was my turn to be insatiable. To demand more, to want more, to need more and to get more. Before he had had me, he must have been insatiable or he wouldn't have needed Helena the moment I left. What kind of bastard would do that to me? Everything he did was to provoke me. Just because I ignored it didn't mean I never noticed. It was time for me to remind him that I was me. I was Alison in our bear and squirrel game and there was a reason we were together and would always come back to each other.
I reached around his body and held his wrists. His eyes widened and I didn't let him speak as I pushed us both into position. I waited to see if he was uncomfortable or would hesitate, and held his wrists tighter. He stared at me, not confused anymore but challenging me. I smirked at him and brought out my silk scarves and began to tie his hands to the posts, while unbuttoning my top and letting my body brush against his. I licked his wrist once I tied it up sat on him as I tied his other wrist. He used his knees to push me closer to his face and started pulling the top away from my chest and I helped him a little bit just so I could finish tying him up.
As I reached up to check the loose-ish knot, I brushed against him and my nipple hardened. He rubbed his face around it and latched on to it. I felt a warmness down south and electricity in some places as I slowly moved away...watching him. He lunged towards me and tried to move his hand and was frustrated by the fact that he couldn't but it only made him more aroused.
Oh, his legs. Let's deal with that, now, I decided.
He watched me move as I slowly slid down his body, most of my clothes were off now, thanks to his struggling efforts so I ditched everything but my bottom underwear. I licked his stomach a little and started crawling downwards, tugging his pants off of him after unbuttoning them. I slid my hands under him and grabbed his butt, gently at first and then harder-through his briefs. They were so thin and cotton that I wondered if I should pull them off or not since my fac-oh. Interesting. He finally moaned, guess he couldn't keep it in anymore.
With a satisfied feeling I blew on him and he shuddered as I licked him through the underwear. My control was fraying so I buried my face against his thigh-away from his...warm area. He writhed a little and I started kissing a trail down to his ankles and finished tying him up (loosely, of course, so it wouldn't hurt and he could get out if he really wanted to).
I stepped back to look at the glorious feast in front of me, spread eagle, naked and ready. Just waiting there, wanting something, needing something...oh, well. Guess that something was me? I looked up the line of his entire body to his eager and hungry face. I never thought I'd see that dark look on his face again. I thought he'd never want me like that, and that we might truly be over for good what with the miscarriage and all-ouch. Suddenly everything hurt and I sat down and whimpered a little bit.
He looked at me, helplessly, clearly wanting to comfort me but not wanting to spoil the game for me, "Darling, what happened? Did I do something wrong again? I finally understand, Ali, and I'm so sorry-"
"No no, I just...remembered. Now I must distract myself again, that's all," I lowered my lips to his and kissed him gently. Then I moved down and kissed him through the cotton while watching his face. I did some other interesting things that made him make a noise that was almost a word but not quite and drew back to observe the wet patches my mouth had made on the fabric. Well, I suppose that it wasn't all just me.
I reached up to his chest and kissed, sucked, licked and played. I teased him with my mouth and my fingers and he moved under me, making the most delicious sounds I'd heard in...too long a time to remember.
"Up," he said, hoarsely, and I rose, carefully brushing my body against him and teasing him with the things he couldn't touch until I untied him. I slowly lowered my face to his as he strained forward and kissed me, as if he was trying to crawl into my mouth, into me-it was something between eating me and kissing me. It tasted of desire and darkness and so many other things I'd been wanting for a long long time. I had forgotten about this side of him and this side of me. It had been what attracted us to each other in the forst place but we had never really explored it.
I straddled his hips and raised myself, ready to impale myself until I suddenly remembered right before he said it, "Ali? We can't."
I rested myself near him-on him and closed my eyes.
"You know we can't. You're too weak, and you know what just happened and we have to wait. Then we have to talk and there's so much we have to figure out anyway." He started speaking. I sighed but I knew he was right. I leaned forward and buried my face against his neck and bit him gently. He slipped his hand out of the scarves and hugged me tightly. I hadn't been hugged by him in years.
It felt nice-like going home, almost.
"We'll be fine, Ali. Don't worry, we'll be fine," he sang to me as I sobbed. I cried for all the things we had done to each other and all of the things that could have been but wasn't. I cried for our lost child and our ruined youth. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore and I smiled, suddenly, because I realized that he was comforting me. He hadn't done that since before we had eloped. If he could learn from all this, then maybe we did have a future?
I shook my head and tucked myself into him. For now, it was enough to just sleep, perchance to dream.
-x-
