Alternate Reality Ramble 006

Intro

Hello Internet people!
So, a teenage friend of mine went on a sort of non-date thing today and caused me a whole lot of grief haha. I feel like a mom, right now and I'm completely sympathetic towards my parents. In fact, I should call them and tell them I'm sorry for being such a bratty pain in their asses...or not. We'll see :3
This guy she's half in love with is 20 so I'm obviously a little worried about her, and I actually know a LOT about him and his history (same friend circles) so I'm even more worried about her because of that. Not to mention raging teenage hormones, puppy love, obsession and all the things we try very hard to forget when we grow up :X
The non date date turned into a sort of safe date and she had a lot of fun (and anxiety). Her mom got really mad and I had to cover for her, especially since she got home really late, but long story short: It all worked out fine. Sort of. With a lot of drama, of course!

Anyway, so here's me doing my thing:

The Story

I went to the mall early. We were going to watch a really crappy movie that, for some unfathomable reason, we had both decided to watch together-probably to make each other laugh while we tolerated how bad it was? Or maybe it was the fact that each other's company made up for it? Nah. That's just me over-romanticizing it. A friend of mine says that it's, like, a normal teenage thing and that it's fine. I don't know what it is, I'm so confused about it all but I've never felt this way! That's normal, I assume? Haha. Probably. I hope so, anyway!

I haven't dated much, I'm not sure why. Growing up is so awkward, you know? But this guy. I don't know. He's so...perfect. His pass time is the same as mine...in fact, we met because of our hobby! We talk a lot, and we text all the time! I feel like I can really be myself with him. Like, all my social awkwardness is okay and I can just be me! It's difficult to find that with anybody. Maybe that's why I like him so much?

We've only met twice and it's been so much fun. he's been the perfect gentleman, which I love but I'm feeling so many different things! I love the gentlemanly thing but at the same time I want him to be more...impulsive.

Am I being too easy? I'm so confused. It's our second meeting and I never want it to end.

In the middle of the movie, he kept leaning in and whispering into my ear and it felt so good. As if we were sharing a secret. The movie was TERRIBLE but I would go watch it so many more times, just so I could spend some more time with him.

You know that moment, that first moment that a guy reaches out to you and curls his fingers around yours and you feel a special sort of bliss? IT HAPPENED TO ME! He sort of just reached out and pulled me closer (which wasn't difficult, since the seats are very close in a movie hall) to whisper in my ear. All the while, he held my hand gently and I could literally feel my heartbeat going crazy. It was amazing!

I don't even really have a type, and if I did, it would be him, I suppose? Some girls talk about facial hair and things like that but I like the scruffy but neat look on him. I especially liked it when he put his arm around me and the couple sitting right behind us started muttering. It was so funny, since I'm sure they were doing much worse!

I felt so bold. In public. In a movie hall. With a guy.

And oh, when he kissed me!

It was maybe 3 seconds long, maximum. But it was so beautiful.

I came home and I cried. I felt things that I had never felt before. Is this love? Is this lust? Is this infatuation? I have no prior experience so I don't know what this is!

Confusing, is what this is. A whole multitude of confusions, and feelings and things and it's mostly good things. I'm happy. But he's so much older than me! 4 years is a lot. And I have to remember that. I've heard all the horror stories and things and I know better, I really do. But GOD, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD?!

After the movie, we roamed around the mall and just spoke. Spent some time together. In his company, I felt good. I felt okay. Like everything was alright and that we were in this tiny little world together and I prayed that this night would go on and that I didn't have a curfew and that it could always be this way. I never wanted to go home but he eventually persuaded me. It was getting very late, after all.

Well, eventually, we didn't realize our phones were dead and he put me in a cab and I went home to a house of crazed parenting. My mother was ballistic, she had called, like, 50 people and threatened to call the police! It took me forever to smooth things over but I did.

Then I stayed in my room and thought about everything. I relived the magic of the night and the awesomeness of everything. I desperately wanted to see him again and talk to him again. If nothing else, I just liked being around him.

He texted me a "Hi again :D" and my silent contemplation was interrupted. Then I spent the rest of the night pretending we were still walking around the mall, ignoring the bright lights and people and just talking. Only the two of us, alone in the universe. In a universe where he felt exactly the same way as I did and that we were in love. The type of love they all write about and show on television. The 'real' kind of love.

And oh, it was glorious.

Alternate Reality Ramble 005

Intro

I've been thinking a lot about texting and social media in general. The world is so dependent on all of this that people rarely speak to each other and they meet much lesser as well! I feel like a cranky old grandmother saying all of this but seriously, think about it, guys. It's the age of the Internet and it's all our faults!

No, wait, you don't have to think about it. You're doing it right now!

So, I have a friend who refers to this guy I introduced to her as "The Texter". She isn't antisocial but she does dislike too much 'social', you know?
Personally, I love it when people text but I find it really annoying when people call me. But I sure as Hell take my time in texting them back. I've been yelled at so much for never picking up my phone and/or replying. Sheesh, guys, put a sock in it, will you?

So. This is an alternate reality story about:

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The Story

It was a part of her morning ritual now. It had become a part of everything that she did. She didn't think she could stop doing it, not now, not even if she wanted to and she definitely didn't want to!

It was annoying at first, back when she didn't understand and didn't bother to participate properly, but now, however, she found herself unable to stop. It was almost like breathing but not as necessary. It was obsessive and definitely selfish on her part but it was so addictive. Almost as addictive as that Avicii song "Addicted to You".

She hummed the song as she went on with her life but she kept her guilty pleasure a secret from the world. The world wasn't ready for it yet, and by the world, she was thinking of the people in it that she was personally acquainted with, of course. She did share it, once in a while, but almost reluctantly, because she didn't want to part with it too completely.

She felt oddly possessive about her little secret. Almost as if she was Jericho Barrens from the MacKayla Lane series and Mac was her secret and only hers. It made her happy and sad at the same time-she wasn't the type to be so dependent on anything but here she was, indulging in her bad habit.

She decided to give up.

Who cared about her made up rules and things anyway? She could do whatever she wanted.

Her mind told her it was fine but her heart annoyed the crap out of her decisions.

She switched her phone on again and decided that if this was a problem as bad as substance abuse then she was officially addicted. She didn't care, she was completely engulfed in it with no way out. Even if there was a way out, she doubted that she could have taken it at any point.

Texting him back was the one thing she allowed herself to do. It satisfied this deep burning need in her that she pretended didn't exist. It was the only thing she would ever allow herself.

He replied within a minute, a drug was always best when it was most effective.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Her head ignored it, as it always did,

but secretly, she was a little girl who always wondered, "What if?"

Alternate Reality Ramble 004

Intro

So, this friend of mine is falling head over heels and it made me think of some odd things. Some phenomenons which are weird but oddly commonplace.

Like songs. You know how certain songs that you thought you knew suddenly start to make sense? That. She went on and on about that and things in movies and television shows. About how she had read about these in the trashy books that people never admit reading and was comparing notes to figure out the differences and similarities.

She even went as far as to tell me that mushy couples walking around polluting the environment with their PDA and obvious 'love' were totally relate-able now!

As per my usual tendencies, I tried to work out how this would work:
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The Story

He stood behind me while I cheered at the songs. He was so close that I wondered how it would feel if he came a lot closer and so I leaned into him. It wasn't like the books, with all their long paragraphs of the guy's cologne and heart racing and all those things. That's what confused me. The differences. The confusion. The multitude of ideas that everyone spouts about all these unfamiliar feelings that I've never wished to be acquainted with.

The moment was over almost as soon as it began. The speed of thought made it impossible to continue.

I watched him when he looked at me, I watched him when he didn't-was this what they always spoke about? Those hurried looks of longing, affection, pathetic neediness and want? Those feelings that lasted only a split second before running away as soon as they were rejected? This couldn't be it, my conflicted mind whispered to me, it couldn't just be this.

I've always been very antisocial, especially with all the recent developments in my life in the past year. With him, though, I was normal. He didn't care about my antisocial tendencies-is that why I couldn't see my feelings grow into something more important? No. I shoved that thought away almost as soon as it had appeared. That couldn't be it. That would have been to ridiculous even to contemplate. Surely I wasn't THAT ridiculous.

Oh. Wait. I was using the word ridiculous too many times. Apparently something was happening to me and apparently, I didn't like it.

My mind rebelled and my body sang. My hips moved as my lips uttered lyrics of songs I had always thought too cheesy to listen to, even in the privacy of my own home. The sweat, the music, the people, the life-it was all affecting me. This wasn't me, this was probably a result of my raging hormones. The raging hormones that everyone always spoke of. It's finally my turn to feel them.

I could deal with it, I knew that. But did I want to, was the question?

Sheesh, I almost felt like throwing up my hands in the air and giving up but how can one do that when they're fighting themselves? Even my thoughts weren't solely my own, apparently.

He dropped me home like a gentleman.

Inside, I waited in anticipation, the Southern belle (from times long gone) in me rejoiced.

With every line that drove him farther away, the Estella in me waited with bated breath for him to make a move. The first move. Any move.

I would have pushed him away after, in all probability. But at least I would have enjoyed it.

Walking upstairs, I sighed out loud dramatically. I told myself, tomorrow is another day.

-x-

(Edit) PS. I couldn't resist. This is for those who got the reference, I love you, awesome nerds!

Alternate Reality Ramble 003

Intro

This one is inspired by all my friends who have had parents who are separated or divorced or basically in a bad relationship. This goes out to all of those who have had bad things happen to them and their family.
Marriage doesn't seem to mean the same thing anymore. There's no love, there's no commitment. There's only pain, suffering and more of all of that.

So, this is my go at it:
_________________

The Story

She walked into the house and tiptoed all the way to her room. Was that crying, she wondered, as she swayed to the rhythm of the music she had left behind. She shook her head and attributed it to the intake of too much alcohol. It's been known to happen, after all.

She woke up, the next day, hungover and happy. The last night had been as much fun as always even though she never had enough memories to reconstruct the whole night. She hummed to herself and played a Das Sound Machine song from the new Pitch Perfect soundtrack-a shameful addiction, since they weren't even technically a real (acapella) band- and danced to it in her room.

She walked out, looking for breakfast, and saw that her mom wasn't in her usual place in the kitchen. She scraped together some semblance of a breakfast and finished up the usual morning chores. She went to her mother's room to see her sadness colour the room with tinges of many different feelings. She sat down, awkwardly, and listened to how her mother had had a fight with her father. He was leaving her, he had said. He would give away their other house to other family and give money to her for living and nothing else. She had had a life for the last two months, he said, like the Duke of Ferrara had said of his last Duchess. Her life was his, he secretly felt, and not being there when he came home for lunch was one of the main reasons he was doing this. Giving it all up.

Shocked and numbed, she couldn't provide much comfort. She thought to herself, secretly, but isn't he right? She hasn't been home most of the time. She has friends, is always on the phone and is almost never there when needed. She sympathized with him inside but supported her on the outside. She was the wronged party, she declared, even though she felt that both of them had done wrong to each other.

He had taken over her life and she had protested too late.

There were little things and big things and things all around. So many things that even she suspected their marriage shouldn't last.
Mother was never happy but her situation was self created and self accepted. Father was happy even lesser but his situation was one borne of the idea that this is the 1950s and everyone must be subjugated. He was conflicted enough to insist that his kids did what he said while being as independent and opinionated as possible...as long as it didn't conflict with HIS opinions, of course.

Could she judge them, she wondered, when she knew nothing about who they truly were? Could she judge them, she wondered, if she could still never understand how they ended up married? They hated her, most of the time. She brought them only grief. Was she the result of broken dreams and hopes? Was she what had created their cages and made them this way?

Logically, she thought, it couldn't have been her. She had studied psychology enough to know what was what but she reminded herself that the heart knows not what the brain knows. Even when confronted by the brain, the heart will always choose to run the opposite direction. And her heart warned her against procreation, against love, against marriage, against the bond created by Society.

The next day, all was well. Her father smiled at her and ridiculed her appearance, her internships, her work, her likes. Her mother fussed and did all the things right.

She pushed the incident and her thoughts to the back of her mind once again, as she had done before...and as she would do yet again.

-x.

Alternate Reality Ramble 002

Intro

A friend of mine confided in me about a crush she started having a while ago. She asked me (since she's young and totally inexperienced in these things and presumably thinks I'm older and therefore wiser because I generally look like I can adult just fine) about crushes, infatuation and lust.

She had never had these feelings before and was going crazy about this one guy. She went on and on about him (do I add him on Facebook, is that being too desperate? For the record, it's not. If you've met someone then it's totally okay to add them on social media) and stalked him on Facebook (friendly word 'stalked' nowadays, Norman Bates flashbacks anyone?) and went mad over him.

So I went back (in my mind and possibly in my Flatline version TARDIS) and thought about it.

Have I had crushes/infatuations or (dare I say it) fallen in love during the limited amount of time I've existed? Have I felt an unbearable amount of lust, bordering on a safer version of what Porphyria's lover had felt or what he had thought was love?

Apparently, I had not.

I've dated plenty, I've had the usual crushes on celebrities and whatnot but I've never quite felt what she seems to be feeling.
Oh sure, I listen to all the songs and pretend my heart aches, I read all the literature (or lack of) and think I know what they're going through, I watch all the movies and television shows and have OTPs and so on. Have I really felt that way, though?
The answer, sadly, was no. Unless I'm in denial and if I was then I wouldn't know, would I?

ANYWAY, so I thought about friend zoning and love and all those things and did what I do best:

Imagined one of my situations that way and put a different spin on it.

Here it goes:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Story

Infatuations lasted longer than crushes. A crush seemed to be in the danger of fizzling out almost as soon as it would appear.

She, however, fell in love with the way they matched so perfectly. The way they could speak together about almost anything made her feel something rare. It made her feel HAPPY. She wondered, secretly, of course, if it had only lasted because he had had only her in his lonely life for this short period of time but she put that out of her mind to be dealt with later (or most probably, never).

The crush fizzled when she pushed a friend of hers at him and he turned out to have flaws that she would never even have noticed; either because she didn't care or because she had the same flaws. It was endearing, in a way, but also difficult. How was she to sustain an interest if everyone around her was always so negative about it all? The crush crashed and failed. The bridges were burnt by her anyway, so that was a good thing, all things considered.

She wasn't ready to date.

To bare her soul.

To find her buried heart.

To be emotionally or physically intimate.

She had never been ready and wasn't about to start right now.

No.

It was just as well, she told herself repeatedly, in secret in the tiny secret corner of her mind that still cared-or was still allowed to care.

It was just as well, she said to herself fervently, as she stopped watching her favourite romantic comedies, because life was too damned unfair to subject herself to the agony of not wanting.

                                                                It was just

                                                                                 as

                                                                                      well.

-x-

Alternate Reality Ramble 001

Intro

[Skip this if you don't care, the story's somewhere down below.]

Recently, I joined this popular hook up/dating app called Tinder because I was super bored and wanted to anonymously troll people. Then I realized that you have to link your account to Facebook, which sort of defeated my basic purpose for joining the app.

Regardless, I DID join the app and posted a picture of me in a mask...a lame attempt at anonymity in an age where it's annoyingly easy to find out information about almost anyone at any time.

For the record, the text underneath basically says that I left swiped (aka rejected) so many people that they couldn't find anyone else for me to match with. Apparently I'm a picky troll-er (I decree that that's a word even if I don't know anyone who uses it-yet)?

*facepalm*

Oh shut up, internet. You all know that you either come online to troll people or laugh at the trolls or the people being trolled!

Anyway, so I met a surprisingly interesting guy who actually did only want a friend and nothing else. He seemed moderately smart and hey, Potterhead! (I'm a fandom snob so I'm going to tell you that he was a real Potterhead aka One Who read the Books and no, I keep being Sorted into Gryffindor. I was a beta tester on Pottermore and got Sorted into Gryffindor twice so shush.)

We spoke, we got to know each other and we became friends! It was an unlikely path to friendship but it worked out pretty well (so far, anyway. Fingers crossed, guys!)

The story I'm posting this intro to is an alternate version of our first meeting IRL (in real life). Romanticized, of course, but blame it on the rom com binging I've participated in (and still do, which, let's face it, we all do, albeit some of us do it in secret.)

[Of course, this is the internet and this entire introduction could be a complete lie so really, treat it as a prologue or feel free to ignore it.]

Here goes:

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The Story

He texted her, "Where are you?"

Butterflies fluttering in her empty stomach, she texted back, "In the Smoking Room."

He replied, "I'm coming. You'd better recognize me, okay?"

She smiled to herself and replied, "But how? I don't even know what you look like yet."

He texted before entering the stuffy smoke-filled entirety of the tiny cramped room, "I'll be the one in shorts."

She laughed at their similarities before sending back a quick, "So am I" and pressing the power button quickly in anticipation. Her vanity wondered about his appearance but the power of platitudes reminded her that it didn't matter ANYWAY.

As her confused mind continued to present her with an annoyingly silly conundrum, a cute guy with a drink walked in but he was soon followed by a girl. She took a long puff to calm her nerves that really shouldn't have been behaving like she was a fifteen year old teenager anyway. She wondered, yet again, if this had been a good idea and if it wasn't too late to abandon the ship.

He entered, looking around with a whisky in his hand.

She hid a smile and said, "So. Where have you been?"

He looked so nervous that it was almost adorable. If only he knew what she was feeling-no, she was glad he didn't. The thought of him knowing how she struggled with the idea of meeting him today and wondered about whether it was a good idea-if only to check him out-made her shake her head at herself (mentally, of course, she wasn't a total idiot even if it seemed like she was on the fast lane to becoming one).

At the end of the night, he looked sheepishly at his phone and said, almost apologetically, "World of Warcraft servers are up again!...sorry."

She laughed-out loud, this time- and told him to hurry back home to his small rented apartment in the vibrant new city he was still a stranger to, so he could play his favourite game.

She did it because she understood, but for him, that's when he started to fall in love with her-even if it was only for a split moment- and knew he felt something he didn't really want to label-not yet, if ever. He put his phone back in his pocket and asked to walk with her for a bit so he wouldn't miss an opportunity to spend a few more moments with the girl he had only just met.

-x-

PS. Leave your comments or a bump if you've read this. Or a reaction, or your own stories of Tinder or literally anything-I'm not too picky XD Thanks for reading!