Intro: Fan fic Version.
From: Black Jewels Trilogy by Anne Bishop
Involving: Surreal and Falonar, sort of.
Is really: An alternate fan-fiction version of the time when she left and in this version she finds out about Nurien after she comes back to try again. The Daemon thing is a reference to what is going to happen, of course, whether I like it or not...I understand it XD This was written a month or two ago, I think, after a long inebriated discussion with some people about many of the things I used Surreal, Falonar and Daemon, Jaenelle and this situation, to illustrate and explore. I will admit, as always, that this book series has given me completely unrealistic expectations of men, relationship, life, and all those other things that are as important. Really, I've been spoiled for a normal dating life, haha. After Jaenelle and Daemon, could a girl be blamed if she couldn't imagine anything lesser? (Mind, I'm not Witch, okay? She is too freaking amazing. After all, dreams made flesh, eh?)
Here it goes:
They said that things changed all the time. They said, that people never really knew each other*. They said, that times would change and that change was good*. The Blood didn't worry though, most of them were from the long lived races, after all.
Surreal had lost Titian, then she had lost Daemon. She trained in Red Moon houses all over Hayall but it wasn't until she reached Kaeleer that she had met Falonar. She had had many such encounters with men she was paid for or was going to kill with one of the delicious techniques that Daemon had taught her when he discovered her secret profession as an assassin. A lover, however, that was something she had never taken, until now. She had been broken much too early to believe in love, men and fairytales until she saw Jaenelle and Daemon, Marian and Lucifer and all those others in the Shadow realm.
Jaenelle had asked her when she arrived at the Keep this morning, "Did you love Falonar?"
She looked into Witch's eyes and whispered, "No, but I tried. I loved him as much as I could. I gave him as much of my heart as was left." Jaenelle had looked away-those ancient sapphire eyes burned with a knowledge of something more and above all, affection. Surreal had never been loved since she had lost Titian-not until she had 'acquired' the SaDiablo family, of course.
*
Falonar had sparked all those issues that she had buried deep inside of her, clearly. He loved her, apparently, and she had thought that she should give this whole thing a chance, since Men were not the evil she had thought they were. Even the Sadist was a good man when he had Jaenelle. Jaenelle was a delicate thing now, but Surreal couldn't believe how she could handle Daemon when he was the Sadist. Especially when the Sadist came out to play, and Jaenelle tangled with the Sadist effortlessly almost even though Daemon was always horrified in the morning and scared for Jaenelle, but he shouldn't have been. She was an extraordinary woman who had been an extraordinary little girl, as well.
She had never loved Falonar, not in the way of Daemon and Jaenelle of course, she had never even let herself try to fall in love properly-with all her heart and soul. She was too afraid of being hurt, of being tossed away like a ragdoll, to be only used when needed with her own feelings and thoughts being disregarded, too afraid of losing to ever allow herself to gain. Too afraid of being emotionally ruined, because her mind was the only thing they hadn't been able to touch, over the years.
But what had started had now begun to fray.
He used to talk to her all the time, woke up and spoke till the stars faded, and the sun rose, even if he had to report for training in the morning as Luciver generally asked of his men; especially the one sharing his adopted cousin's bed and life. Luciver was an unrelentingly protective and annoying prick, after all. They spoke and made love, and bared their soul to one another,
Of weapons, of lives, of battles, of them.
He did wonderful little things all the time. He truly wooed her-an art the artistos in Hayall could stand to learn instead of just paying for services to relieve themselves. He made her feel special, as if she wasn't what she really was. As if she was everything-something she hadn't even known that she had wanted from anyone else, something that she couldn't give herself. he had treated her the way she deserved, but now...
It was different.
No more late night conversations while they burned the witchlight. It was always about the upcoming battle. About HIS preparations, about how he needed to defeat everyone and show Luciver he was better than him. As if her things weren't important anymore. After all, the boyos had banned her from her two known professions and she was therefore effectively doing nothing except sparring for fun once in a while. Even that pissed Falonar off, she could tell even though he tried to hide it. The very thing that had attracted him was what put him off now. Her mastery of weapons, her independence, her confidence, her efficiency when she killed, but in the end he was still just a man. It would be disappointing, really, if it wasn't what happened everytime. They liked the chase, they liked the thrill but they rarely liked a happy ending.
He was too ambitious to allow her to do, as he called it, nothing. Sometimes, she felt as if he needed her to be the woman who followed him around all the time and did what he asked for. To think of it, she had been an easy lay anyway. He barely had to make an effort for her. One man shows the right sort of interest without much of an effort, really, and she jumps into bed with her heart? Titian would have been disappointed in her. The Harpies didn't condone stupidity, especially about men. Chaosti would have skinned Falonar alive, so she had to make sure no one knew about her stupidity regarding her thoughts about him. He would probably just wanted her to be a meek little woman for him. He had already gotten her, the unconquerable Surreal, the woman who was deadly enough to survive adoption by the SaDiablo family and that wasn't just because of her gray jewel. So he was lax now. He had achieved his goal and it had been so so very easy.
That's all she was: an end goal.
Yes, he had loved her-he DID love her. But. Still.
She couldn't even tell him off or insult him or lash out when she was in a mood like she did with her adopted cousins and Chaosti. She had to be so normal, so controlled, she had to retract her claws an whithold most of her numerous knives-who would have thought of it? So careful, always worried about him and HIS feelings.
Was that what she had become?
A meek little hearth witch?
Apparently
It chaffed.
And so, she left.
-x-
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